I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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