I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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