the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
