my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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