new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
