I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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