I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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