i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
how drunk are you?
Several
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
