I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
