So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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