You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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