I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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