She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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