ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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