Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
