i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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