I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
