God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
