It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
