If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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