Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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