Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize