this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
