WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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