I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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