You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
