apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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