Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize