Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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