Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Quick, to the slutcave!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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