i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
