Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
