I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
