Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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