So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
