So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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