On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
