Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
