I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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