I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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