I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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