dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
