I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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