Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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