Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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