The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
