so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
