either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
