So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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