i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
