I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
