I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
