i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
