why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
