I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
