i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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