These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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