I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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