Betty ford says i'm here all night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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