margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize