My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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