Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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