They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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