I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
are you so shy because you have an std?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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