You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
