True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
