I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
