There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
