phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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