Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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