No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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