i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
