I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
